I’m feeling completely broken today as I’ve found out that (again) my husband has been lying and is in relapse with alcohol. I found his hiding spot. We have only been back together a year now after a 3yr separation from this very thing. The only real question in my mind right now is: will I ever find a way to trust him again?
Thank you for a place to lay it down.
Sincerely, Will I Ever Trust Him Again?
It’s unfortunate to hear that you caught your husband lying. But the good thing is: it’s not the end of the world. Yet.
It’s definitely time to have a talk with him. Let him know what your expectations are. When you two got back together, you trusted that he would abstain from being an alcoholic. Let him know that he betrayed your trust and that it really hurt you.
Explain that you don’t want him to stop being alcoholic just for you. But you want him to do it for himself. Being an alcoholic is detrimental to his health and it can cause disruption in the home (which I’m sure you’ve already experienced).
When you talk to him, use a loving, caring, yet stern tone. He has to know that you’re not trying to be his boss or mother, but that you are trying to be his wife.
A lot of times men can make and break promises; then come up with excuses as to why his words weren’t bond. If he tries to give an excuse, let him know that there’s no excuse for negative behavior and breaking promises.
I’m not sure if you two have tried counseling, but if that’s an option, you may want to consider it. Counseling can help heal many issues (like helping him get over alcoholism and helping you to trust him again).
If he’s unwilling to change, he has to realize that you’re not willing to compromise your happiness. You deserve the best. The only way for you to gain his trust is for him to prove once and for all that he’s willing to give up alcoholism.
Marriage takes effort on both sides in order for it to work. So he has to commit to doing his part.
Readers, what do you think? Can she ever trust her husband again? Is there still hope or should she move on? What would you do in her situation?